my heart is breaking
cracking into a thousand shards of my current.
how will i survive my days without her
what will come of my happy
is it worth it
at all?
why does working for her mean that i can't see her every night when i get home
these tears are selfish and i love her
how will she respond
what will she think of me
will she understand that i had no choice?
breaking cracking distracting pain gnawing eating pressing crushing crying sobbing.
through the tears i force a smile, i say "mommy's not crying, mommy's silly. i'm going to miss you baby. be good."
no one ever said it would be easy.
i never imagined it could be this hard.
this is demanding a strength that i never thought i'd need.
that i never knew existed.
now, without an absolutely required piece of my heart i must push harder than ever before.
the quiet stings my ears, my heart, it's piercing through us.
this goes beyond nostalgia
we must do more than ever before.
make it worth it
the problem here is
it never could be.
to miss her
to graduate college for her
it's aching.
i love her..
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I am a girl and somedays a woman.
I am a girl and someways a woman.
-------------------------------------
Self realization. to attain this. to be there. Having the confidence that i can do this. things that I desire. desire caught by the tail. what a play... what a test. seeing the world that I desire. living the dreams that I desire. mastering the knowledge that I desire. with the grace and charisma that i desire. articulating the destiny that I posses. and doing it while there's still hope for the generations that we are creating. mastering change before it all caves in on our heads. i can do this.
-------------------------------------
"The children are watching.
the children- right there.
what's that you say?
oh, you don't care?
I don't think you get it.
I said they can see you.
They might even like you.
So, go put your clothes on,
Stop humping each other.
you! put down that crack pipe right now, do you hear!?
put away all of the booze, you'll be just fine without it.
the children, they are watching.
they can see you, they do.
they might like you, or love you, and learn what to do!
so clean up the city.
make the country folk too.
these children are precious,
angels among us.
fruit that we bear.
don't hurt them or break them or leave without love and care!
these angels are watching and growing.
they one day will rule this earth.
for what we have now is an opportunity,
to save what we have at the palms of our hands.
and love what we have, yes even our lands.
let us do right by nature.
make it our business.
make it mean MORE to us than wall street.
MORE valuable than wall street.
our land that we live.
band together a nation
built up on lies.
lies they still tell our children!
SO I TELL YOU!
The Children Are Watching.
make sure we are showing them a culture we aren't ashamed of.
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
I am a girl and someways a woman.
-------------------------------------
Self realization. to attain this. to be there. Having the confidence that i can do this. things that I desire. desire caught by the tail. what a play... what a test. seeing the world that I desire. living the dreams that I desire. mastering the knowledge that I desire. with the grace and charisma that i desire. articulating the destiny that I posses. and doing it while there's still hope for the generations that we are creating. mastering change before it all caves in on our heads. i can do this.
-------------------------------------
"The children are watching.
the children- right there.
what's that you say?
oh, you don't care?
I don't think you get it.
I said they can see you.
They might even like you.
So, go put your clothes on,
Stop humping each other.
you! put down that crack pipe right now, do you hear!?
put away all of the booze, you'll be just fine without it.
the children, they are watching.
they can see you, they do.
they might like you, or love you, and learn what to do!
so clean up the city.
make the country folk too.
these children are precious,
angels among us.
fruit that we bear.
don't hurt them or break them or leave without love and care!
these angels are watching and growing.
they one day will rule this earth.
for what we have now is an opportunity,
to save what we have at the palms of our hands.
and love what we have, yes even our lands.
let us do right by nature.
make it our business.
make it mean MORE to us than wall street.
MORE valuable than wall street.
our land that we live.
band together a nation
built up on lies.
lies they still tell our children!
SO I TELL YOU!
The Children Are Watching.
make sure we are showing them a culture we aren't ashamed of.
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
Saturday, December 6, 2008
ya, i think i have it... maybe i'm just being cocky... either way ;)
i feel completely empowered.
i tell you why.
yesterday i pulled my usual "leaving the assignment till the last min" because i struggled over what to write this 4 page paper about.
well, i finally decided to write it about these Wall Street Journal articles discussing the congressional hearings held that gave the 3Big Auto an opportunity to grovel in their failed business attempts and ask for a Bailout.
well, if you don't already know, congress was like "get real guys...." and that makes me a very happy citizen.
my dad, on the other hand sounds just like the president... (in a very low gruff voice full of arrogance) "they better bail them out or do you know that there will be millions of people out of a job!?"
how freaking ignorant. okay, look at this, United Airlines filed bankruptcy... and they were not forced to close their doors, mind you they did have to cut the business down to a manageable number of employees, and the retiree's pensions and benefits were severely cut. BUT THEY DIDN'T CLOSE THE DOORS. and neither will GM, Ford, or Chrysler. United airlines had to lower their prices, and do many other things to cut cost, but they are still alive and flying all over the place. Bankruptcy is an option that these 3Auto makers have, and they won't shut the doors. If it were up to me, and this may sound completely heartless, but i would close their doors until they came up with some cars that people SHOULD be driving.... kinda a little time out for bad behavior. even a smaller airline that is not international didn't close their doors when they filed chapter 11. I'm speaking of frontier. My mother works for frontier, and yes, they are experiencing many unfavorable work conditions due to the poor financial dealings in their company, for instance when gas was $4 a gallon they all got a 10% pay cut. and mind you this had not been returned, even though gas is now lower than i have ever seen it in my lifetime... or at lease since i've been paying attention. so, really when we are talking of companies who are going to be forced to go bankrupt, we aren't speaking of them all being forced to close their doors, well not all the doors anyways, but honestly, do we want ford gm and chrysler pumping out the same awful environmentally irresponsible cars that they have been turning out for ages? i say not, maybe them closing their doors will open doors to savvy carmakers to grab the market with cars that don't distroy the earth, and then all those people with car building experience will be doing something a little less distructive, and with a brand new market.....
that would be nice eh?
so anyways, i feel empowered because i wrote a very good paper, crunched right up to my deadline of 5pm, but i did it :)
and i called my professor on her cell all frantic to make sure that she got the e-mail :) she was laughing at me. lol
i would have laughed at me too.
i just hope it can pull off an a
the other thing that i am so excited about is this playlist that i made with a couple of my fav artists tearing out my heart :) (that. is a good thing :)
i tell you why.
yesterday i pulled my usual "leaving the assignment till the last min" because i struggled over what to write this 4 page paper about.
well, i finally decided to write it about these Wall Street Journal articles discussing the congressional hearings held that gave the 3Big Auto an opportunity to grovel in their failed business attempts and ask for a Bailout.
well, if you don't already know, congress was like "get real guys...." and that makes me a very happy citizen.
my dad, on the other hand sounds just like the president... (in a very low gruff voice full of arrogance) "they better bail them out or do you know that there will be millions of people out of a job!?"
how freaking ignorant. okay, look at this, United Airlines filed bankruptcy... and they were not forced to close their doors, mind you they did have to cut the business down to a manageable number of employees, and the retiree's pensions and benefits were severely cut. BUT THEY DIDN'T CLOSE THE DOORS. and neither will GM, Ford, or Chrysler. United airlines had to lower their prices, and do many other things to cut cost, but they are still alive and flying all over the place. Bankruptcy is an option that these 3Auto makers have, and they won't shut the doors. If it were up to me, and this may sound completely heartless, but i would close their doors until they came up with some cars that people SHOULD be driving.... kinda a little time out for bad behavior. even a smaller airline that is not international didn't close their doors when they filed chapter 11. I'm speaking of frontier. My mother works for frontier, and yes, they are experiencing many unfavorable work conditions due to the poor financial dealings in their company, for instance when gas was $4 a gallon they all got a 10% pay cut. and mind you this had not been returned, even though gas is now lower than i have ever seen it in my lifetime... or at lease since i've been paying attention. so, really when we are talking of companies who are going to be forced to go bankrupt, we aren't speaking of them all being forced to close their doors, well not all the doors anyways, but honestly, do we want ford gm and chrysler pumping out the same awful environmentally irresponsible cars that they have been turning out for ages? i say not, maybe them closing their doors will open doors to savvy carmakers to grab the market with cars that don't distroy the earth, and then all those people with car building experience will be doing something a little less distructive, and with a brand new market.....
that would be nice eh?
so anyways, i feel empowered because i wrote a very good paper, crunched right up to my deadline of 5pm, but i did it :)
and i called my professor on her cell all frantic to make sure that she got the e-mail :) she was laughing at me. lol
i would have laughed at me too.
i just hope it can pull off an a
the other thing that i am so excited about is this playlist that i made with a couple of my fav artists tearing out my heart :) (that. is a good thing :)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
ha. check this shit out. neeeeaaaattt.
today i am sitting at the beginning of the week i have left. THE week i have left. only this week really counts for finishing the work i have to do this semester. thanks to the heavens that i do not have class today or anyother day this week. i want to set some personal goals for this coming year.
*learn a funky bass line.
*erase procrastination from the ledger.
*learn to like a job... at least a little bit.
*take more pictures.
*see more shows
*save some money
*live more green
*buy more green
*buy a bike
*ride the new bike all summer
*dust off the coronet
*get closer to Suzy :)
this seems kinda like a list with need of second draft....
so i am going to make my first tofurkey. hope it turns out swell. :)
i found a ton of recipes, but if anyone knows a sure-fire-wonderful one, feel free to send it my way. i'm also making my first nut gravy :) that's making my mouth water just thinking about it. bringing my own vegan alternatives to the family thanksgiving dinner is going to be so freaking awesome!! i hope that everyone tastes the goodness, just to see what they are missing in not living cruelty free. i want to make some vegan stuffing too. but i haven't yet looked for recipes for that one.
well there was frost on my car yet again this morning. i love the frost. i love all of the beautiful silent changes that occur during this abundant time of year. the frost, it almost trickles across the leaves and grass, covering slowly, reaching into the air and sucking out the moisture... it's almost like the air shivers and the water just seeps out.
potty training. potty training. potty training.
she's very good at it and excited about wearing the cutezy little training panties. hehehe.
well the time of year has also arrived for me to send out to family and friends the neat little seasonal warm fuzzies. this year i will be able to tell everyone that i have a 4.0 and also i have tons of great pictures to send to the people who live far far away from my beautiful babies. Thanks only to my dear friend andrew who gave me an awesome camera and took portraits for us. but very much i am already thinking about next semester, and thinking of my strageties for a sucessful second semester. for instance, i am going to take ENG 1020, but i am not going to take JRN 1020 at the same time. I learned a crucial lesson this semester about taking too many similar classes at the same time. this time it was too much writing, and I would not do that if i had it to do over. the deadlines just killed me, in both classes, Eng 1010 and JRN1010. But se la vie :) all i can do is live it. and try to make it easier down the road.not only easier, but more fulfilling.
ah, mina is making me so happy. her behavior has improved so much :) she's just a little lady, growing up before my eyes. and enmrie is totally talking. she can just have all kinds of conversations with everyone :) i admit that mina and i are the only ones who can understand her sometimes, but it's still sooo cute. :)
pictures to come...
:)
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